March 13, 2000 (Philadelphia) -- Women who face a serious illness, or theillness of a loved one, may often feel isolated or unable to fulfill their manyroles and obligations within the family. A study published in the January 2000issue of Social Science and Medicine examined how couples coped withserious illness. The study's authors, Laurel Northouse and nursing colleaguesfrom the University of Michigan School of Nursing, found that both women whoare seriously ill themselves, along with those who care for ailing spouses,suffer greater emotional upset and take less satisfaction in their marriagesthan do male patients or caregivers.

How can you, as a female patient or caregiver, better cope with the stressand emotions that you face? Here are some tips that may make your lifeeasier:

• Choose healthcare professionals who are sensitive to many women'sreluctance to ask for help during the course of their own or their partners'serious illness.
• Seek as much medical information as possible, so that you don't feel in thedark about what you are facing.
• Expect to experience some degree of emotional distress. Sharing thosefeelings with supportive professionals, friends, or other caregivers throughsupport groups sponsored by the Well Spouse Foundation or other organizationscan help decrease a sense of isolation.
• Talk to your partner. While many women tend to avoid sharing upsettingemotions with their sick or caregiving spouses for fear of burdening them,doing so can actually bring the couple closer together emotionally, helppreserve the intimate marital connection, and decrease the stress of themedical situation.
• Don't wait for others to step forward to volunteer. Make specific requestsof specific people to help out in concrete ways.
• If caregiving becomes too overwhelming, approach other family members aboutpitching in more on a regular basis. Seek the help of professionals to come upwith alternative means of taking care of a sick partner, including increasingthe use of nurse's aides in the home, utilizing day treatment programs, andeven considering temporary nursing home placement.

Barry Jacobs, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and family therapist, is theAssociate Director of Behavioral Sciences for the Crozer-Keystone FamilyPractice Residency Program in Springfield, Penn., and specializes in treatingfamilies coping with medical illnesses.